You have come to terms that you cannot erase your past mistakes. All you can do is accept the grace and mercy of God and forgive your self. The enemy always brings up your failures, lost dreams, hopes, doubts and fears. He loves to remind you of your past, keep you down, and make you feel like pond scum. It is at that point that the Lord prepares a table for us in the presence of our enemies to remind the devil that we do not belong to him and we belong to the Lord.