Obviously you can tell from that song that the message this morning is a little bit dark. (Because of You by Kelly Clarkson-lyrics can be found here: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/kellyclarkson/becauseofyou.html) Its not the kind of stuff that I get excited about preaching about. Its not full of happy thoughts and words, but hopefully good things will come from it. You know, we all love the happy endings, dont we? We watch the movies we love [like] when the guy gets the girl-you know, An Officer and a Gentleman. We love when victory happens to the good guy-when Rocky stands in the ring and says, Yo, Adrian, I did it! [We love it] when the Death Star gets blown up and harmony comes to the Galaxy; when E.T. comes alive again; when in Home Alone, the family is reunited at Christmastime; [and when] everything is great and there are happy endings. We know in life it often doesnt work that way. We know sometimes things dont end like wed like them to. When we are talking about ending the Cold War, there are times when forgiveness happens, reconciliation happens, and that's wonderful. Its great; thats a happy ending. There are other times when it doesnt happen. In fact, circumstances make it improbable if not impossible for a good ending to come. Everybody in this room has relational graveyards in their lives. If you were to take a moment to walk through your mind and think about the friendships and relationships you used to have, youd be amazed at how many tombstones youd find and the names that are written on those tombstones. Some of the names were people that you didnt know that well and were in your life for a period of time. Other names are names that were close friends. Some of the names are even family members. Youve cried over a lot of those graves, maybe even this week. Youve looked at the names, and youve wished circumstances would be better. Some of the graves have been there for a long time; time has taken its toll. With others, the dirt is fresh; the graves are new. The pain is very much real. Its my prayer, my hope, that through our series in some cases when its beneficial and helpful, God can do some resurrections of some relationships. We talked about forgiveness last week. If you want to follow along-if you remember the story-and you want to open your Bibles up to 2 Corinthians 2:5-11 (page 1143 of pew Bibles), [youll recall that] Paul had all kinds of problems with the church in Corinth. There were problems with womens roles in the church, spiritual gifts in the church, doctrinal issues and moral issues. Paul was always having to bring correction, rebuke and instruction to the church in Corinth. In 2 Corinthians 2, it tells us about an individual who had committed a sin so egregious that he was removed from fellowship in the body. Verses 5-11 of that chapter talk about the process of forgiveness and reconciliation. We learned a series of statements called Forgiveness is. We learn from Verse 5-6 that forgiveness is an acknowledgement of pain as Paul talked about the mutual pain between the one who had offended and those who were offended. Forgiveness is not pushing things under the rug; its just the opposite. Its bringing it out to the open. Its acknowledging the pain, the hardship and the struggle that the behavior caused. We learned from Verse 7 that forgiveness is the beginning of the healing process. Paul said that he suffered enough, and it was time to bring mending-time to bring healing. He said that forgiveness is an event, but its also a process like when a doctor sets your bone. When a bone is broken and he sets the bone to heal, that does not instantly heal that bone. The bone is still tender to the touch; its still sensitive. Its going to take time for that to heal. So it is when there are breaks in our relationships; we might pronounce forgiveness, but that memory-that event-is still very tender. It still needs time to heal. If you dont set the bone, your body will work to heal; but it will not heal as well, as effectively, or as thoroughly as when it is set; so it is forgiveness that aligns it. Verse 8 talked about forgiveness being a new beginning. Reaffirm your love for Him, Paul says. Its a new start for him. When we forgive, truly, we wipe the slate clean, and we begin anew. Verse 9 talked about the fact that forgiveness is an act of obedience. Its not just an emotion, not a feeling; its an act of our will. We choose to forgive because God has commanded it, because the circumstances or conditions for not forgiving are severe. When we dont forgive, we seal in the bitterness rather than letting it be expressed, dealt with and removed. Verse 10 talked about the fact that forgiveness was an act of faith and grace-that were trusting God. Well do our part; God will do His. So as I take that step of faith, Gods grace works in me and in them. God begins to remove the pain, heal the pain, heal the hurt and remove the bitterness and anger. In Verse 11, we talked about the fact that forgiveness is a means of prevention. We know how the devil works. We know how he uses bitterness and anger as a tool, so we forgive; we keep our hearts warm. We keep our hearts from becoming cold and hard and blocking the flow of Gods love and grace in and through us. I had some problems with my satellite dish as some of you may have had this week if you have satellite. We had the ice storm followed by the snowstorm, so it gathered up on my dish quite a bit. Now I-number one, dont like heights; number two, I dont like to get on a roof thats slippery and icy, so this is a bad combination for me. No TV Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Now, on Thursday night, the Bears game is coming on, so it is time to risk life and limb here. Up the ladder I go, and I start sweeping away the snow and ice. Then I get to the point where the ice just wont come off, so I began to apply warm water to the ice. I just kept doing that, and as I did it, I could chip away more and more until eventually all the ice was gone. The warm water had removed it all. That's what forgiveness does. That signal returned, and I watched the game. There is a healthy warmth, and it keeps our hearts from becoming cold, bitter and hard when forgiveness happens in our lives. Restoration is more possible when our hearts are soft and open to Gods grace and love. Reconciliation happened in the church in Corinth. The man was received back into fellowship, and there was a happy ending. It was a happy ending because the man repented of his sin, but what if he hadnt? What if he continued to have a hard heart? What if he continued to live in the lifestyle that was contrary to the Scriptures? Were going to meet this man again. Were going to find out what, in fact, he did that merited him to get the boot from this church. We find this story, most scholars believe, in 1 Corinthians 5. If youll turn there, thats where well start fresh. From 1 Corinthians 5 (page 1131 of pew Bibles), lets begin reading with 5:1. Paul is miffed. He is going to use the full weight of his apostolic authority to bring correction in this situation. He says, It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that does not occur even among pagans… In other words, even people who dont know the Lord have a higher morality than this individual has. …a man has his fathers wife. What that's saying is a man in the congregation was shacking up with his step-mom. Thats what was going on. We dont know if the dad was alive or divorced or what was going on, but he is shacking up with his step-mother. Hes come to church, and the church has probably talked to him about the situation; but he hasnt changed, and nothing has been done. He keeps coming to the church, and they were just kind of going on as if nothing was wrong. Paul is going to address that. …And you are proud! Shouldnt you rather have been filled with grief and have put out of your fellowship the man who did this? Even though I am not physically present, I am with you in spirit and have already passed judgment on the one who did this, just as if I were present. When you are assembled of our Lord Jesus and I am with you in spirit, and the power of the Lord Jesus is present, hand this man over to Satan so that the sinful nature may be destroyed and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord. Your boasting is not good. Dont you know that a little yeast works through the whole batch of dough? So discipline had to be merited out, and that discipline was for a two-fold benefit. Number one, it was for the benefit of the individual. He says, Hand him over to Satan. Well, thats obviously metaphorically speaking, right? For the destruction of the flesh. Hes not talking about physically turning him over to the devil, Here, you kill him. Okay, thank you. No, its not that at all. It is metaphorically saying, Listen, remove him from the fellowship of the church. Remove him from the family that he has known. Allow him to experience the brunt of his sin. Now, when you were in the church of Corinth, that was the only church. There was only the church of Corinth. In the length of time we have denominations, other churches, splits and so forth. That wasnt the case in Corinth, so this is actually more effective. If it happens today, a person just goes to church down the road and that church probably doesnt hear the story of what happened over here or there. When they do, they probably hear a much skewed story. Oh, we love you anyway. Come and fellowship with us. They really dont get the full weight of that discipline, but in that day when you were cut off from your church, you really experienced the full weight of that discipline. The motivation for Paul was love. He said, Were doing this so that his sinful nature can be destroyed- so hell repent. Hell realize what hes doing is wrong, and hell come and return to the Lord. Thats what we want to happen, so his spirit can be saved, Paul says. Discipline is an act of love. What Paul is suggesting here-though it sounds harsh-is an act of love. What the church would do would be an act of love, and it worked! In 2 Corinthians, we read that he is restored into fellowship. His life has changed and he is now a better person. It worked! It doesnt always work, but in this situation-in this scenario-it worked. Parents, when you discipline your children, its an act of love. Youre saying to your children, Listen, there is a behavior that we dont want repeated. Because of that, we are punishing you. We are taking away something from you, and we want you to reflect on that. We want you to learn, so you will change your actions. You will change your attitude, and this will be removed from your life. The child might think the discipline is harsh, but the end result is you want him or her to be a better person. You want this removed from his or her life, so discipline is actually an act of love. So they administered love to this man. Paul is going to go on and clarify a former letter. Now, he wrote three letters to the church in Corinth. We have the first and the third; we dont have the second. He is going to address the second letter that he wrote and clarify some of the points that he made. Verse 9, I have written you in my letter… Thats the second one that we dont have. …not to associate with sexually immoral people-not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat. That's pretty steep. We want to make sure that you understand that hes talking here about a person or individual who this is now their lifestyle. There is a difference between corporate sin, public sin and private personal sin. Sin thats between individuals can cause division and problems; but there is also sin thats known to everybody. Its corporate; its public; its out there. Thats dealt with in a different way. Were going to talk about both circumstances today. So in this corporate situation, there is this struggle that is taking place. Paul says these individuals have embraced a lifestyle that is characteristic of these negative attributes. Its not that they occasionally did this or struggled one time with that. We all do that; we can all read through this list and say, Yeah, there have been times Ive been greedy. Oh, yeah, there was that time at the New Years Eve party when I got a little intoxicated. That's not good. Yeah, there have been times when I have slandered somebody, but I made it right. Were not talking about people who struggle with sin. That's all of us. Were talking about people whove embraced this as a lifestyle right now. Theres a struggle going on in Illinois politics, and some are contending that the governor has embraced a lifestyle that hes using his office for personal gain. Theyre going to try to prove that in a court of law. It is who they are; it is the essence of who they are. Now theyre saying hes unfit to govern the state of Illinois, and thats what theyre going to try to prove. Paul is saying this is a lifestyle. Its typifies who they are. Its not just an occasional fall; it is the essence of their makeup and their character. Paul says, Dont associate with them! Why? Because its harmful to your walk. It is harmful to your walk. We saw hypocrisy in Galatians 2 when Paul and Barnabas began to pull away from the Gentile Christians; so even good people if theyre not careful-if they associate with the wrong crowd-can succumb. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 15:33, and he says, Bad company corrupts good morals. If you begin to spend time with and associate with the people he is describing here, its going to affect you adversely. If you take some clean gloves and you start playing in the mud, do your gloves get muddy or does the mud get glovey? What happens? It starts to wear off on you, and Paul says, Dont take the risk. If somebody is naming Christ and living in this hypocrisy, dont associate with that person. Verse 12, What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? The answer to this rhetorical question is Yes, we are to judge those inside. God will judge those outside. ‘Expel the wicked man from among you. He quotes Deuteronomy 17. Now isnt it interesting that Paul talks about judgment in the church. He says, Ive cast judgment on this man. You need to put judgment on [as well]. For some of you, I know what youre thinking. Youre out there going, Well, Jesus said we shouldnt judge. ‘Judge not lest you be judged. Well, we have a little problem here, right? Is the Bible contradicting itself? Is Paul contradicting Jesus? What did Jesus mean? One of the most misunderstood, misconstrued verses in all the Bible is Matthew 7:1 (page 961 of pew Bibles). Lets turn there, and lets talk about what Jesus meant when He said those words in the Sermon on the Mount. In Matthew 7:1, Jesus says, ‘Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Now hes going to use some hyperbole or exaggeration to illustrate a point. Its a rather humorous word picture for the listener. He says, ‘Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brothers eye and pay no attention to the plank that is in your own? How can you say to your brother, Let me take the speck out of your eye, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brothers eye. The word judge here is the word we get critic from-Krino. It means to be a critic. Jesus here is talking about a superficial judgment-a judgment that does not gather the facts, a judgment that is made in haste, a judgment that is hypocritical, a judgment that is hypercritical. You and I have all been guilty of this. Have you ever had a co-worker, a parent or a friend or someone that gave you a negative first impression? Once you got to know him or her, you realized how wrong that first impression was? You thought they were stuck-up, you thought they were stingy, or you thought they were mean? Whatever it was, when you got to know them, you realized your judgment was wrong. You had a critical spirit with that person. Jesus is saying, You have a critical spirit? Dont be surprised if people dont have a critical spirit back at you. I was exercising at The Athletic Club this week, and I heard a couple guys talking. They worked together for the same company, and they were talking about their boss. Ill try not to get too descriptive, so I dont give anything away. One guy was saying-he was apparently new-and he was saying, Look, I cant do anything right. Hes always telling me what a bad job Ive done even though I know Im not doing a bad job. I show up every day. Not only am I on time, Im early. I stay late. I fill in other shifts when were short. I work my tail off, and all he does is complain. He doesnt appreciate a thing I do. Not one positive thing has he ever said to me since Ive been there, and Im so sick of his criticism. I thought if you were a supervisor, you were supposed to lift up your employees-not tear them down. The other guy says, Well, if it makes you feel any better, he does it to me too. He doesnt say anything positive. He just judges me, and hes critical of everything I do. When I do something right, he doesnt say anything. When I do something wrong, he blows it out of proportion. Then these two start attacking this guy. I thought, Well, there you go. Theres Matthew 7 in action: ‘Judge not lest ye be judged. If youre going to judge others critically like that, its going to come right back to you; and thats exactly what was taking place in that exercise room-this being lived out. Now, the interpretation cannot mean that we are not to use discernment, not to use evidence, not to use actions to form critical opinions and judge the character of other people. That cannot be what this is saying. It cannot be so because of the text, and it cannot be so because-just in practical terms-thats not true. You and I use judgment all the time. If you voted in November, you judged. You listened to the candidates; you weighed their point of view, and you went and made a choice on your ballet based on a judgment of that candidate and the job they do in office. When you hire somebody, if youre an employer, you make a judgment on their character. If somebody hired you, they made a judgment on you and said, We listened to the interview. Weve looked over the resume, and we think this person will be a good fit for our company. If youre married here today, you made a judgment on the character of that individual. If you joined a church, you made a judgment about that church-their pastor, their message, their fruit, what theyre about. We make rational judgments based on the evidence all the time. Jesus cant mean that! Whats more, the very text would dictate that that cant be the meaning-that we cant judge anybody at any time. Verse 6 says, Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under your feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces. The dogs were talking about arent domestic little pets; these were scavenger dogs that roamed the streets, had sores and fleas, rabies and bad news. What does he mean as he talks about these dogs and hogs? What is he talking about here? Well, a dog was an idiom or slang for a person who lacked character-a person who lacked discretion. Jesus is saying, Listen, dont take these truths, these precious pearls of Gods truth, and just give them out indiscriminately. When you are investing in somebodys life, make sure theyll understand how valuable what theyre hearing is, how precious what they are learning is. This is from God; this has value, so you dont just give it out to anybody. You make sure that the person who is receiving it and hearing it is going to appreciate it. Otherwise, they might take it and even use it against you down the road. In order to make that decision, what must you first exercise? Judgment, right? You have to use discretion and judgment. Look at Verse 15 in the same chapter, ‘Watch out for false prophets. How do you know theyre false, folks? You made a judgment. ‘They come to you in sheeps clothing…. They look really safe, friendly and nice, …‘but inwardly, they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Verses 17-19 talk about good trees bearing good fruit and bad trees bearing bad fruit. ‘Thus, by their fruit, you will recognize them. When you go to pick apples, you are a fruit inspector. You say, Well, this one has a worm. I dont want that. This ones not ripe. I dont want that. This one looks red, juicy and ripe. I want that. Youre a fruit inspector. Youve made a judgment on that apple. When you determine that someone has bad fruit and theyre not somebody you should associate with, you have made a judgment. So in Verse 1, Jesus cannot be saying that you and I can never use discretion, form an opinion and judge another person based on the evidence-based on their actions and their words. Its not saying that at all. Its talking about a critical spirit. It doesnt weigh both sides; it doesnt know the facts; its hypocritical, and Jesus condemns that. He says, If you live like that-if youre a hypocritical person-dont be surprised when it comes back around. Now, what do we do… That was a corporate matter. This was a public matter for this church in Corinth. What about private matters and most sin issues in the church that you have to deal with? All churches deal with conflict. The Disciples dealt with it; there were only 12 of them. They had run-ins with Jesus; they had run-ins with each other. The Apostles, as they went to carry the news out into the world in the Book of Acts, there was confrontation. We know Peter and Paul had issues. Paul and Barnabas had issues. We know there were issues in Acts 6 with the Hebrews and the Greeks. We know there were problems in the early church. Churches of any size-small, medium, or large-have conflict. Most of them arent public or corporate. Most of them are private and personal, so how do we deal with that kind of conflict when reconciliation seems unlikely there? Turn to Matthew 18. Dont necessarily understand this as a formula, as you want to see the heart of Jesus. Jesus is saying how we need to value reconciliation, how we need to work toward reconciliation when there has been a breach in relationships. Dont be quick to get out the relational shovel in your graveyard. Go the extra mile. He says in Verse 15 (page 974 of pew Bibles). Im using a little different translation. Yours might be a little different than mine. This one says, If your brother sins against you, go and ignore him, send him dirty looks and make him feel really bad and guilty about what he said or did to you. Does yours not say that? Some of you might have this translation; it goes like this, If your brother sins against you, go and write him a nasty letter or email telling him all the bad things about him and write him off. Yours doesnt say that either? Do any of you have this version? If your brother sins against you, immediately go and tell as many of your close friends as possible the bad thing this meanie did to you-of course inviting them to pray for him or her. Anybody have that version? No? Okay, well heres the version I have for real. ‘If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the… Do the math-how many? …‘two of you. One, two of you. Not the committee-the two of you. ‘If he listens to you, you have won over your brother. Usually circumstances like this can be solved pretty easily. The people sit down and they clarify the facts, Heres what I said. Heres what you said. No I didnt mean that. Heres what I did. No I didnt do that. I did this. Usually, it can be handled pretty quickly when you do it the right way. If Matthew 7 is one of the most misunderstood Scriptures, then Matthew 18 is one of the most ignored Scriptures. People bypass entire steps or do none of the steps, yet Jesus has given this as a pattern and as a command that were to follow. He says, ‘If he listens to you, youve won over your brother, but if he will not listen, take one or two others along. This does not mean find somebody who is biased toward you and go and gang up on the individual. Common sense needs to prevail here. He is saying, Listen, find another party who can come in and weigh the facts, help arbitrate the situation, help both to see each others point of view and come to an agreement-work through the matter. That's what hes saying. It says then if that doesnt work, ‘If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church… Again, common sense. Telling it to the church does not mean hundreds of people need to know about your situation. Tell it to the church- the noun is plural of course. Hes talking here about the plurality of leadership in the local body. Hes saying, Bring it to the leadership of the church. Thats the final phase. Sometimes people want to bypass that, and they go right to the staff and say, Hey, you know what Brother or Sister ‘so-and-so did or said to me? You go, No, but have you talked to Brother or Sister ‘so-and-so? I dont want to talk to them. Theyre a snake in the grass. Well, you know what? The Bible says before you talk to us, you really need to talk to that person. Then, if that doesnt work, you need to bring in a couple friends and try to work it through. Then, come to us and well see what we can do. Thats what hes saying here. Now, what if that doesnt work? ‘If he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector. What does that mean? We all know how wed like to treat tax collectors now, but understand what it meant. Is Jesus saying be mean to them? Whats He saying here? What Jesus was saying in essence is, Let it go. Youve done what you can. Youve got to let it go; youve tried. You followed the principles; you followed the steps. It isnt working out. They do not want to forgive; they do not want to reconcile. He says, Let it go. It doesnt mean hate them; it doesnt mean mistreat them. You still love them, but you let it go. Youve done your best. Jesus says, Let it go. Let it go. Its not very different than 1 Corinthians 5. There is going to be a break in the association. Hopefully, its not forever; hopefully, theyll come around, but you have the spirit of reconciliation. You try to resolve it as best you can. You know the Bible says, Be at peace with all men as it depends upon you. Sometimes you can do everything you can, and still reconciliation becomes impossible. Either the person is stubborn, or maybe theyre continuing to live in that sin. Its a lifestyle for them, and they continue to live in that sin. You cant reconcile then. The church in Corinth compromised. That wasnt reconciliation. This guy comes in the body; they send a message to the whole church. By tolerating his presence there, number one, they send a message to that man that condoned what he was doing by their silence. By their lack of discipline, theyre saying to him, Its okay. You can live any way you want to live. If you want to shack up with your step-mom, go ahead. Its okay by us. Thats what their silence sent to him. Secondly, it said to the congregation, You know, you can go out in this church and live any way you want to live. Whatever lifestyle you want to live in, its totally acceptable here. That was a dangerous message to send to that congregation. Paul said it needed to stop. Action was taken, but the goal first and foremost, when possible, is reconciliation. So Im praying that in relationships that you have, maybe there are some people youve wronged who you need to go to and say, Im sorry for what I did. I need to take ownership for what I said. Im sorry. [You need to] own that as a man or a woman of God and say, This is mine. Maybe there has been somebody who has come to you and said, You know, Im sorry for what I said and did. Please forgive me. Youve chosen instead to get out the old shovel and dig a hole for that friendship. Maybe its time you extend forgiveness and grace to them. Ill just be praying that God can bring about reconciliation and that there can be resurrections all over the place here today. Lets pray: Father, we have much to think about, much to ponder. We are challenged again by Your Word. We pray that You would help us to take care of the business that we need to take care of: to forgive always, to reconcile when possible. Lord, in these hard times, these dark times, when reconciliation seems impossible or improbable because of hardness of heart, Lord, we know that we have to let those things go from time to time. But we can still pray for them; we can still love them; we can still hope that one day theyll come around and that fellowship can again be restored. The church is a place of love. Sometimes that love is extended through forgiveness and restoration. Sometimes that love is even extended through discipline. Lord, I pray that You would help all of us to have a clear understanding of what Your Word is teaching us today. We pray, Lord, that there are cold wars we can throw in the white flag of surrender to, and we can have peace once again. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.